Ok Doha, it's you-and-me-time; we've got seven hours of quality bonding.
I'll just say this right at the start; of all the airports to get stuck in this is one of the worst. The seats are all made of rubber. Most of the food is fried and the whole experience is a bit like spending a night in the school canteen. But don't worry, I've hand picked the best bits for you so if you ever come here you'll know where to rush to first.
The best thing about Doha Airport is it's easy to find your way around. Everything is colour coded by boarding pass and gate; something even I can deal with. Then again, maybe it's suspiciously too simple because everyone else is asking a lot of questions.
The next best thing about Doha is that there are lots of staff. They are all dressed very nicely and let you in on helpful secrets like; because you're here for seven hours you get a free meal. There is a man whose job it is to turn all of the Coke and Fanta cans around so that they face exactly the same angle, and another one who wipes the glass door of the Oryx Lounge every time anyone walks in or out. Yes, every time. There is a lot of glass in this place and it's all super clean.
I try to sneak into the Oryx Lounge a few times because it's the only place that doesn't have rubber seats but apparently I don't look like someone from first class. Nevermind; there are other airport highlights like the Mosque and the Quiet Zone which is filled with (rubber) banana lounges.
I grab a coffee and prepare to relax on a lounge only to find that the Germans have beaten me too it and strewn back packs and aeroplane pillows accross a whole row of them. (I assume they were German.) I'm about to turn around when a wave of revolutionary power comes over me and I decide to liberate the couches for general use. This is great, but only for about five minutes, until a large Arabic man starts snoring and his son decides to test out his entire library of Nokia ringtones.
I escape to the gift shop and duty free shopping. There are heaps of cool things here like disgusting aftershaves called Golden Tears and Ali Bashaa, but the best gifts of all are camels. Before I came to Doha Airport I had reservations about how many diverse applications there were for humpy desert animals. Now I know better. They can be teapots, coasters, soft toys and naf telephone danglies. They can be encrusted with emeralds or painted in rainbows. There are camel chocolates, postcards of camels playing soccer and even little camel bobbles you can fasten to your Crocs.
I end up getting bored after an hour and finding myself in perfume jungle, which is what usually happens to me in airports. I try on a load of things and then decide I hate all of them and walk out smelling like window cleaner. (Or maybe that's just the clean windows.)
Lastly I find the hot pink standing- room-only internet zone. Perfect. I can spam all of your inboxes and I haven't even been gone for 24hours. XO